Cracked 11

September 8, 2008 – 12:47 pm

New Cracked article for you folks! This is a relatively new one, title “Hollywoods 5 Saddest Attempts at Feminism“. For those of you who had any faith that Hollywood was getting better at the whole “Women are Equal to Men” thing…prepare to have your dreams shattered. There’s no doubt that movie studios are trying, but frankly most of their attempts to portray strong women fall flat on their face (though not always…yay Juno!). I hope to see some more realistic tough gals in the future…till then, this is the sort of thing we’re stuck with. icon_rolleyes.gif

By branden | Posted in Funny Stuff, Movies | Tagged , , | Comments (0)

Names

September 6, 2008 – 12:43 pm

I’m a halfway decent writer. I know this. I write well, and I’m proud of that fact. I also have a pretty decent imagination, and I’ve come up with some pretty impressive characters and plots in my time (at least I think so). Still, I do have pretty bad flaws as a writer, and I’d like to share one of those flaws today.

While it’s true that my lack of motivation is my main problem as a writer (and probably the reason I’ll never publish anything), something else that really bugs me is my problem with names…mainly, that I suck at them. I’m sure lots of people have trouble coming up with names for their characters, but for me it borders on ridiculousness. Honestly, half my characters don’t even have names, though they’re otherwise fully developed. Worse though, are some of the names I’ve settled for. It won’t be easy for me, but I’ll try to share some of the more abysmal ones here.

Let’s see, there’s Rocky. He’s a stone gargoyle. I thought of renaming him Gary, but seriously, Gary Gargoyle? Youch. Also, I recently discovered that that name is already taken anyways. icon_sweatdrop.gif

Two of my oldest characters, which I’ve had around since I was in grade school, are a couple of aliens. One is bright red, has an exoskeleton, snapping claws, and eyes on stalks……..his name is Crabby. The other is reptilian with scales, a long spine, and extendable flaps of skin on his neck….his name is Snakey. Seriously, does it get worse than that? I propose that it does not.

For my Transformers, I have Snarl, who turns into a wolf (named after a similar wolf transformer named Snarl from the Cybertron series), a bat bot named Sonar (I thought that was original, but I found that was taken as well), a Brawl and a Payload (both of which turned out to be names for toys based off the recent movie), and an organic giant bat named Nightscream (ripped straight from Beast Machines). I do have a human character named Rachael McMasters which I’m proud of though. Yay me for an original name! icon_xd.gif

A lot of names for characters I’ve ripped straight from other sources, including: Norby (a slightly crazy robot named after a slightly crazy robot), Nova (a fire dude named after a fire dude who looks a lot like him), Little John (a tall guy in green named after, well, a tall guy in green), Willow (a plant girl named after a plant woman), Vashiel ( an avenging angel named after an avenging angel), Kyleron (the star of many of the stories I wrote as a child, named after a character my Mom came up with), Spyrus (a giant robot named after the lego series he came from), Kitt (named after the car from Nightrider), Nezumi (a badger named after a girl from a fanfic I read……at least that one took a leap of imagination), Cain (a werewolf named after a dog demon), Dralion (a dragon named after a circus show), I want to name my kid Alexander (which I got from a character on Buffy), Alexis if it’s a girl (the name of a character on Transformers Armada), and various others. See? I seriously suck at this!

My RP “Destines Intertwined” is home to some of the worse crimes against name-giving I’ve run across. In addition to Jackal,,,.who is in fact a jackal demon, there’s Haru. A nice, original name, wouldn’t you think? Well I didn’t come up with it. See, I RPed as this guy for over a year. I couldn’t come up with a name for him, so I simply referred to him as “the mysterious man”, or some other such nonsense. When a character asked for his name, I’d come up with an excuse for him not to give it. Finally I decided that he was the type of magic user that becomes vulnerable to anyone who knows his name (a common enough weakness in fantasy stories), which seemed like a good excuse to me. The next time someone asked for his name, I had him state as much…at which point they asked what they should call him instead. Stumped, I had him suggest that she come up with something to call him…..and the character dubbed my guy “Haru”. He’s been Haru ever since! I’m happy to say that, years after that, I’ve finally come up with a real name for the guy. It’s not very creative, but hey, at least it’s a name, right? …….now I just have to do the same for all the other unnamed characters I have roaming around in the RP!

I have come up with a few names on my own. Always simple, and usually kind of stupid. Other than Rachael McMasters though, no real two-part names. I just suck at those. Simple one part names I’ve come up with include: Cy-Tech, Repulse, Scarlet, Blox, Shift, Gauntlet, Mudslide, Darkvolt, Piston, a Dwarf named Bruce, Shriek, Zen, Paku, and….and….well, that’s all I can think of at the moment. Most of those were superheroes and villains for a comic series idea I’ve got in my head, thought the last two were my Bionicle fancharacters (actually the same character….long story). I’ve also reused “Zen” a couple times for other characters…I just really like the name.

So you see, I’ve got a problem here. None of my characters have really cool or original names! I just can’t do it! Every now and then while I’m in bed I’ll think up a halfway decent name, but usually I forget it by morning (Zen, Paku, and Rachael McMasters I was smart enough to leap out of bed and write on a piece of paper when I thought up). It’s sort of sad, and I know this could really be a problem for me if I ever do decide to buckle down and write a story. I know there are handy random-name generators online, and honestly I’ll probably end up getting a lot of use out of them in that event, but I still wish I could do this on my own. It’s a major limit on my imaginative powers, and I hate to think that my imagination is limited in any way. I know I’m a creative guy, but the simple fact is that there are certain things my brain just isn’t up to. And frankly, that sort of pisses me off.

P.S. Did I mention my cyborg character? His name is Cyborg (this was before I learned about Teen Titans, so shut up). Or my Hellboy character based off Sammael the Hellhound? His name is Sammy. Or Digimon character? He’s a Flamemon…his name is Flamon. Or my Kingdom Hearts character? His name is Damon….which may sound creative, but I had a friend come up with it for me. I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point. icon_rolleyes.gif

By branden | Posted in Rants, Writing | Tagged | Comments (0)

REVIEW: “The Legend of Spyro: A New Beginning”

August 30, 2008 – 6:12 pm

Man, how long has it been since I’ve done a decent review? I’m not sure there’s been one since “Kung Fu Panda” months ago (unless you count the Sailor Moon impressions of course)! I think it’s high time for a new one, wouldn’t you agree? icon_wink.gif

Today’s review is on a game I ordered used off of Amazon recently, “The Legend of Spyro: A New Beginning”. For those of you who may not know, “Spyro” is a semi-popular series of games about a small purple dragon (named Spyro, of course). Now, usually these games are pretty stupid, with goofy characters, iffy gameplay, and not a whole lot of depth. That’s not to say they’re bad (some are quite entertaining), but they’re no masterpieces.

This game turns all that on it’s head. The first thing one might notice is that “The Legend of..” has been added in front of the usual “Spyro” title. A small change, but as the second part “A New Beginning” hints at, this is because this is in fact a new series. All previous games are ignored, and this game starts off a brand new continuity. Some of the same characters remain (like Spyro and Sparx the Dragonfly), but the backstory for these characters is completely rewritten (and is explained in the opening sequences).

This game is a “New Beginning” in more than just continuity. It’s a total reenvisionment or the franchise! Unlike the previous goofy games, this one is taken seriously. It has some quality voice acting (Elijah Wood as Spyro, and David Spade as Sparx for instance), and the soundtrack is often breathtakingly beautiful. Also, there’s real drama in this story, which is both serious and compelling. The graphics are impressive, with full motion cutscenes (none of that blank-faced with half-assed lip movement we got so often in Kingdom Hearts) and some impressive visuals. Some of the particle effects and scenery is out of this world, especially in the final level of the game.

Of course, none of that means squat if the gameplay sucks, right? Well, “New Beginning” rises to that challenge as well, possessing some of the most addictive combat controls I’ve ever seen! It takes a while to get totally comfortable with the controls, but once you do, combat in this game becomes a work of art! Melee attacks can be easily strung together for some killer combos, and when you add breath attacks to the mix things can really heat up (no pun intended)! As the game progresses, you’ll unlock four unique breath attacks, each of which has two applications in addition to a powerful nova attack. With lightning, for instance, you can zap foes and twist your head to fling them sideways (I got great pleasure in flinging my enemies off cliffs or into pits of lave icon_xd.gif ), use a more powerful bolt of energy to capture them and suspend them in the air so you can jump up and get some melee attacks in, or use a powerful nova burst that fills the screen with huge bursts of lightning, obliterating everything in sight! The other three breaths have equally fun uses, and I found myself easily switching between the four as the situation demanded. Also, you’re given the chance to upgrade each breath attack using gems you acquire throughout the game, so you can power up your preferred attack. Basically what I’m trying to say here is that combat in this game is a load of fun, and very addicting! Plus, you’ve got a fully controllable camera, so you can look at a scene from any angle you choose (a feature many games lack). What more can you ask for?

As for replayability, this game suffers, but only slightly. There are no sidequests to go on, no artifacts to gather, and you can’t go back and play through levels you’ve already beaten. You just play straight through the story. There is one perk, however. Once you beat the game, you’re given the option to start over in the same file. I did so, and was surprised and ecstatic to find that all of my abilities were just as I had them when I had beaten the game! All my breaths were still unlocked and leveled in the correct places. I was able to play through the game a second time, with full access to my abilities the whole way through! I’m taking a break from the game now, but I fully expect that I’ll be going through it again soon (probably in a month or so).

In fact, the game’s only true shortcoming is that it’s not very long. I beat it the first time through in about three days, and less the second time. Still, considering it was just as much fun the second time through, I guess I’ll go easy on it. icon_3nodding.gif

Basically what I’m trying to say here is that this is a great game, and I’m proud to have it in my library. It’s available on Gamecube, X-Box, and PS2, and considering you can pick up a used copy in good condition for ten bucks on Amazon, it’s a great buy. Me, I’m looking forward to when the new game in this series, “The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon”, comes out for all the next-gen systems two months from now. I can hardly wait! icon_4laugh.gif

By branden | Posted in Reviews, Videogames | Tagged , | Comments (0)

Cracked 10

August 25, 2008 – 6:11 pm

Here’s a new Cracked article for you folks to enjoy! It’s called “The 5 Most Badass Presidents of All-Time”. I sure found it interesting! Hope you guys find it equally entertaining! icon_biggrin.gif

By branden | Posted in Funny Stuff | Tagged , , | Comments (0)

Cool Videos!

August 23, 2008 – 6:06 pm

Yet another segment I’ve been meaning to add to my journal. Every now and then I come across a really interesting video while surfing the web. Whether it be a clip from a movie, a cool commercial, or an anime music video, I usually save such vids in my favorites so I can watch it whenever I feel like it. I’ve got a halfway decent collection of fun vids, and I think it’s only fair that I share some of them with you. icon_xd.gif So here’s the first vid!

I found the link to this one while checking updates on one of my favorite sites. Freedom to compete in the Olympics is the right of all sentient beings! icon_blaugh.gif


By branden | Posted in Videos | Tagged , , | Comments (1)

Quote 2

August 22, 2008 – 6:04 pm

Second instalment of the new “Quotes” feature! Here’s one from one of my favorite shows growing up, Disney’s Gargoyles. For a Disney cartoon, this show was remarkably mature, with a darker tone (the show revolved around the genocide of an entire species, after all!), and creative writing that drew from various myths, legends, and pieces of literature from around the world. The writers obviously had a lot of respect for the written word, and never was that fact more clear than in the episode A Lighthouse in the Sea of Time. Here’s a remarkable quote from the episode, which really struck a chord with me:

“The written word is all that stands between memory and oblivion. Without books as our anchors, we are cast adrift, neither teaching nor learning. They are windows on the past, mirrors on the present, and prisms reflecting all possible futures. Books are lighthouses erected in the dark sea of time.”

Beautifully put. It’s good to see that not everything on TV is mindless drivel. icon_xd.gif

By branden | Posted in Quotes | Tagged , , | Comments (0)

Cracked 8

August 21, 2008 – 6:04 pm

Here’s one I just found today. It’s called “The 9 Manliest Names in the World”. The last one in particular had me in stitches. I laughed so hard I cried! icon_rofl.gif

By branden | Posted in Funny Stuff | Tagged , , | Comments (0)

Quotes

August 20, 2008 – 6:01 pm

Here’s a new segment I’ve decided to add to my journal. Every now and then, I’ll come across a saying, poem, or just a snippet from a book that really gets to me. Whether it makes me laugh, tugs my heart strings, or just makes me think, they never fail to remind me that words have power to them. A lot of power. It amazes me that something so simple as a few sounds strung together or some marks on a piece of paper can affect people the way they do. In this new segment of my journal I’d like to share with you all some of those strung together words that affect me. Now, I don’t expect them all to have the same impact with you people as they did with me, but hopefully you’ll at least find them somewhat interesting. icon_wink.gif

Here’s my first quote. I was hanging with a friend yesterday watching the first Lord of the Rings movie (the Peter Jackson one, not the old animated one), and I got to remembering just how much those books meant to me when I was younger. I was absolutely obsessed with Lord of the Rings, and I spent many a night reenacting scenes from the books in my head (with my made up fan character inserted into the scene of course. icon_xd.gif ). I knew several of the poems by heart, the history of Middle Earth, and my dreams were full of Dwarves and Elves. Anyways, the point is that several segments from the books stood out for me, and I’ll probably be posting several of them in future segments. For now, here’s my favorite poem from the books. It’s about Aragorn (aka Strider), who was also my favorite character in the movies! Here’s the poem:

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

Beautiful. At least I think so. Some of you might even recognize the second line, “not all those who wander are lost”, as it tends to make a lot of appearance on jewelery, quote books, magnets, bumper stickers…you get the idea. Most people who’ve seen it probably don’t even know where it’s from. I was actually pretty shocked when I first saw it on a bracelet, as it’s not often that I can identify where a quote comes from. icon_lol.gif Anyways, I hope you enjoyed today’s quote. Look forward to more soon! icon_4laugh.gif

By branden | Posted in Quotes | Tagged , , | Comments (0)

Cracked 7

August 19, 2008 – 6:01 pm

Here’s a new one for you! It’s called “The 10 Best Animated Movies for (Traumatizing) Kids”. I’ve gotta say, for the most part they’ve got these movies pegged (though some of them were still awesome movies), and I’ll admit that some of them frankly scared the crap out of me as a kid (Watership Down freaked me out big time! icon_gonk.gif ). Trust me, if you didn’t think there was anything wrong with these movies before, you’ll see them a bit differently after reading this article! icon_twisted.gif

By branden | Posted in Funny Stuff | Tagged , , , | Comments (0)

Cracked 6

August 15, 2008 – 5:59 pm

Here’s a new one for you guys! I just discovered this old article the other day, and could hardly wait to share it. It’s called The Nine Most Badass Bible Verses. I know, surprising that I’d link to something like this, huh? I’m not really a religious fellow. I’m technically Jewish (and proud of it), but I’m not really practicing. In fact, I’m halfway to being an atheist (though there’s so much crap out there I can’t explain that I do believe there is some sort of guiding force in the universe…more on that in a different entry). I never plan to read the bible or any sort of religious text, but I’ll definitely admit that there’s some pretty awesome stuff in there…and here’s the article to prove it! If you want to skip the comments and just read the actual 9 verses, you can. Still, I find the commentary by the Cracked writers to be just as entertaining, so I recommend reading it as well. Oh, and this article is sort of long. Just warning you before hand! Enjoy!

P.S. I forgot to add this in the last journal entry, the one about roleplaying. I wanted to thank my brother for roleplaying with me for all those years before I discovered the Internet. I’m sure I owe nearly all the creativity and imagination I have today to all those fun sessions we had over the years. Thanks Bro!

By branden | Posted in Funny Stuff | Tagged , , | Comments (0)