In future journal entries, I fully expect to go ranting on about many of the things that have held my interest over my life (and trust me, there’s quite a list of them!). Some of you who know me well have probably listened to me going on about one thing or another. Those of you who have might have picked up on the fact that, when I get focused on something, it becomes a bit of an obsession for me. What you probably don’t know is the cause of this.
Back in grade school, I was diagnosed with A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder). It was only much later in my life, after visiting a slew of psychologists and a lot of tests, that we figured out that diagnosis was wrong. I have what is known as Asberger’s Disorder, which basically means I have difficulty understanding social cues and an extremely obsessive personality. I’d like to talk about that last part here.
When I was growing up, everybody around me quickly came to realize that, when I found something interesting, it became the focus of my life. Some of these obsessions lasted weeks, while others spanned years. Godzilla (and giant monsters in generally) was one that lasted many years. I dove into the TV guide the moment it arrived in the mail to see if any monster movies were playing that week. I bought every single monster video I could get my hands on. I read and reread my Godzilla guide books, novels, and every Godzilla oriented site I could find on the web. I could tell you the stats of every monster ever made by Toho, from the names of their attacks to their win/loss record. That’s what you call an obsession.
Star Wars was another of the big ones, which lead to the purchase of many novels, guidebooks, and playsets. I knew the characters and history of that universe inside and out, not to mention a good deal of the “science” behind the technology. I read all the novels as they were released, and in between I would reread the ones I’d already read. That obsession lasted a few years as well.
I’ve had other obsessions over the years as well, which included: Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, Gundam, Digimon, Inuyasha, Star Trek, Astronomy, Paleontology, Marine Biology, Bionicles, Gargoyles (the Disney series), Hellboy, DC Superheroes, Marvel Superheroes, UFOs, Dragons, Robots, and a few others I can’t recall at the moment. Whenever one of these obsessions hits me, it becomes the total focus of my life. It’s all I can think about, all I want to think about, and the only thing that truly interests me.
Thanks to that diagnoses, and a remarkably good Psycho-pharmacologist, that obsessiveness that pretty much dominated my life for so many years has been mostly represses (yay meds!). Every now and then I still go off on subject (I met my good friends Sasae and Lewa during a Bionicle phase not that long ago), but those obsessions are short term, and usually fade away after a couple weeks. While I’m by no means cured of my Asbergers (can’t cure what is hardwired into your brain), the symptoms are not nearly as severe as they used to be.
While all those obsessions listed above have passed, that doesn’t mean they’re gone completely. I’m still interested in every one of those things (except maybe UFOs), and I’ll still get excited over new developments in any of them. I still eagerly await the day they start making Godzilla movies again, I’m praying for a TMNT2, I still read Inuyasha Fanfiction on occasion, the top of my bookcase is covered in Bionicle toys, I record and watch every episode of new Digimon, Spiderman, Transformers, and Power Rangers series, the new Hellboy movie looks awesome, Cuttlefish are still the coolest animals on the planet, I just picked up a kickass Starscream toy….you get the idea.
I grew up as an obsessive guy. I still am, though to a much lesser degree. At times, I actually sort of miss that drive; the sustained surge of energy, enthusiasm, and joy that I got from immersing myself in whatever it was that drove me at the time. At other times, I regret how much those obsessions distracted me; how they kept me from seeing all the other things I should have noticed. Still, I don’t regret what they left me with. A mind full of ideas, a room full of awesome mementos, and the bunch of friends I picked up along the ride (you know who you are!).
