In case any of you are wondering why I haven’t written in a while, it’s because I’ve been procrastinating on writing this entry. Why? Because admitting one’s faults isn’t easy, nor is making heartfelt apologies. Well, here it goes.
Looking back on my journal entries, I’ve discovered that I haven’t been living up to my “nice guy” reputation. In fact, I’ve been downright rude and insulting! Did I seriously call more than half the population of California “bigots”? O_O Yikes. That’s not like me at all! Those of you who know me personally should know that normally, I’m a very nice fellow. I try my best to avoid hurting anybody’s feelings, I go out of my way to help my family, and I’m just generally an all around polite and nice individual. From my journals though, I can see that I’ve been seriously lacking in many of those qualities in print. I’ve been trying to figure out how I could be so callus and rude here, and I think I’ve finally found the answer….oddly enough, on cracked.com! It’s a serious article called “What is the Monkeysphere?”, and I recommend that everybody should at least skim it. Basically, it explains how the human brain shares a lot with monkeys, and one such similarity is our inability to truly register people outside of our “Monkeysphere”. That is to say, other than the few people we’re close to or care about, it’s mentally impossible for our brains to see rest of humanity as people with the same thoughts and feelings as everyone else. We can take consideration for about 100 people that we know tops, and the rest just sort of fade into the background. This article made me realize just how unacceptably small my Monkeysphere is. I register myself, my Mom, my little brother, and at times a few other people, but the rest I just don’t think about! When I’m talking with people, sure, I’ll be polite, but when I’m not around them I hardly even think about anyone else. Well that’s just not right! My brain may be hardwired so in such a way that it’s unable to comprehend the scope of human existence, but damn it, the least I can do is try to expand my sphere! I’m going to make an effort to consider the feelings of more people. For starters, I’ve taken a close look at my relationship with my father, realized that I’ve been keeping the man firmly outside of my sphere for the past three years, and that this just wasn’t fair to him. I know, guilt isn’t the best of reasons to start a relationship, but if I truly want to open my mind and try considering the feelings of others, it only makes sense that I should start with those people who care about me the most. My next step is going to be to try and regain contact with a few of my family and friends. For instance, I haven’t really logged onto AIM or E-mailed any of my closest friends in weeks! My Monkeysphere has been slowly contracting, and I’m going to have to push hard to try and break down the walls I’ve been building around myself. I can’t promise that change will be immediate (or even if I’ll succeed at all), but I can at least try, right?
The most immediate change you might notice will be in these journal entries. I’m going to try and be more considerate of other people’s feelings. All of them. I don’t want to offend anyone anymore! I may still have the occasional biased rant or two, but I’ll be sure to express them as personal thoughts and beliefs, and not as “facts” the way I did before.
Anyways, I’m aware that I’ve started rambling, so I think I’ll cut myself off here. I’ll just finish up by saying that I’m deeply sorry for my inconsiderate behavior in that past, and that I’m going to try to avoid those mistake in the future. I’ll leave you with the link to the Monkeysphere article, in case you missed it the first time. I really do recommend giving it a look! Goodness knows it’s given me a lot to think about. http://www.cracked.com/article_14990_what-monkeysphere.html
